There’s been much confusion and misinformation lately about the new pope - Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany. Some have even confused His Holiness with a former TV star. I offer this as a public service to set the record straight.

	The Pope	The Dope
Name	Joseph Ratzinger	John Ratzenberger
AKA	Pope Benedict XVI	Cliff Clavin
Hails From	Germany	Boston
Occupation	Vicar of Christ	Mailman
Most Likely Found At	The Vatican	Cheers
Best Friend	Pope John Paul II	Norm!
Nemesis	Beelzebub	Carla Tortelli
Sexual Status	Celibate	Celibate
Favorite Quote	“The Cardinals have elected me, a simple, humble laborer in the vineyard of the Lord.”	“They did a study between postal workers and chimpanzees. They proved chimps were 32% slower. Of course, they were better with public relations.”