I took the All-American Sports IQ Test the other night when I received my copy of The Sporting News in the mail. The test consists of 118 short answer, matching, and multiple choice questions of varying point values (most are worth one point; others are worth two, three, or four points each). Here’s the grading scale:

0-10: You picked up this magazine by mistake, didn’t you?
11-20: You watch a game if it’s on … PBS.
21-30: You follow your home team and are aware others exist.
31-40: You know plenty about one sport; time to bone up on the others.
41-50: You’re a subscriber, aren’t you?
51-60: The equivalent of a double off the wall …
61-70: … with the bases loaded.
71-80: Look at the big brain on (insert your name)!
81-90: You’re the thinking-man’s sports fan.
91-100: You’re the guy the thinking-man’s sports fan stops to ask for directions.
101-plus: Applications for employment can be sent to John Rawlings, senior vice president/editorial director. (But please don’t.)

My score was 112. I’m almost ashamed to know so much about meaningless sports trivia and so little about other, weightier issues.

I know that Frank Reich led the Buffalo Bills to the greatest comeback in NFL playoff history (question 12), and Tiger Woods won the 1997 Masters by 12 strokes (q14), and Christian Laettner was the only member of the 1992 Olympic Dream Team without NBA experience (q20), and that Pete Sampras has won the most men’s Grand Slam tennis singles titles (q22). I also know Ray Chapman is the only player to tie from injuries sustained during a major league baseball game (q26), and if Scott Norwood had made that 47-yard field goal attempt at the end of Super Bown 25, the Bills would have beaten the Giants by a score of 22-20 (q’s 30-32). And that Deion Sanders is the only man to play in both the Super Bowl and the World Series (q37), and that MC Hammer was a batboy for the Oakland A’s before he became a rapper (q47). Also that the Pro Football Hall of Fame is in Canton, OH (q49), Robin Yount won the AL MVP at both shortstop and center field (q71), the Detroit Red Wings play their home games at Joe Louis Arena (q77), Don Shula is the winningest coach in NFL history (q80), Jimmy Chitwood hit the winning shot in Hoosiers (q88) [and that the real player who hit that shot was Bobby Plump], John Elway was drafted by the Baltimore Colts (q101), Joe Carter and Bill Mazeroski are the only players to end a World Series with a home run (q103), there are 108 stitches on a baseball (q104), Richard Petty has the most wins in NASCAR history with 200 (q’s 114 & 115), and that Carl Yastrzemski was the last Triple Crown winner in baseball (q117) [though I didn’t know how to spell his name correctly].

If I could sell useless sports trivia on eBay, I might be a millionaire. And if there was a “Useless Sports Trivia Week” on Jeopardy, maybe I could unseat Ken Jennings. Alas.